A Little Insight

It had been nearly three weeks since I'd ridden, probably the longest time I've been out of the saddle in several years. Ordinarily, that would be a bad thing. This time, however, it was not. It was very, very good.

The first 10 days, I was working feverishly to prepare for the Maui Writer's Conference. Not many of my equestrian friends realize that I write, but I do. (It's sometimes easier to keep my riding and writing lives separate, otherwise I end up spelling all the time, since the words sound so similar). I'm a published author--of short stories--and I hope to have my first novel published very soon. In Maui, I rubbed elbows with Pulitzer Prize winners and NY Times Best-selling authors, who generously shared their wisdom, and helped me hone my craft. And who showed me that my novel, which I thought was pretty damn good--and finished--could be made better and still had work left to do. It was the vacation of a lifetime. I've never worked so hard (or been so tired) in my life. Up at 6 A.M. and either writing, talking about writing, or listening to others talk about writing until midnight (except for drinks in the hotel bar for an hour or so around 4 P.M.; we couldn't cope without a little bit of blowing off steam). I've also never enjoyed myself half so much. I'm already signed up again for next year. As a result of the trip, I have some top-name agents and publishing houses interested in my book. I'm still walking in the clouds and struggling to find my way back to earth.

The trip almost didn't happen. My father (87 years old), broke his leg 4 days before I was supposed to leave, but the doctors caring for him were skilled, and I was born into a family of saints who gathered around and did all that was necessary to watch over him so I could leave, without once complaining that I wasn't shouldering my share of the load. In fact, they never once let on just how much load they were shouldering until after my return. I appreciate how much they sheltered me from the guilt... the peace they gave me to be who I needed to be and do what I needed to do. What a gift!

Now that I'm back, I'm riding again. Miss Quila is now back to full work, and she's feeling pretty darn fit. Alena has been riding her, and she's done a lovely job. I hardly recognize the mare... she's so straight in her body, soft on the bit, good to the half halts. It's a miracle, really. Of course, it's the first time she's ever come back without my interference, and when I do ride her, I'm so much more educated now (Thank you, Facet!), so I don't re-teach her bad habits.

I realized, since I rode yesterday for the first time since I don't know when without any pain anywhere in my body, that the trouble I have with my left leg in canter doesn't stem from the left leg... it's actually a result of tightness in my right hip. Today, I focused on keeping the right hip open, and using it correctly, and the left leg issues corrected themselves.

Jürgen and Alena also had another revelation, to which I say HALLELUJAH! Ever since I began showing Quila, I've been saying that she becomes a different horse when she goes down centerline, that she knows I'm riding a test and she changes. Jürgen and Jennifer and Susan humor me, but I know that behind my back, they are rolling their collective eyes (and Susan, as a teenager, doesn't even bother to wait until she's behind my back--she's right up front about it). I'm told I just need more show experience, that I need to "ride my horse," that I need to stop getting nervous... a litany of things.

I've always been certain that there were things I could do to counteract what she was doing, but I've always been just as certain that it was HER problem, not mine. I don't have show nerves. I don't. Well, perhaps in the barn aisle, because I hate being pressed for time. BUT--the minute my foot hits the stirrup iron, I become intently focused and the rest of the world ceases to exist for me, and especially once I'm going around the outside of the ring... I neither look right nor left, and I couldn't tell you who is even watching, or what is going on outside. I lose all awareness outside of the moment and what the horse and I are doing. I am not nervous, because that isn't a helpful emotion. I am just analyzing information and making decisions.

AND, I know that sometimes, probably most of the time, the second we turn up centerline, Quila starts to pull through the bit. It feels a lot like waterskiing when you yell "hit it"--she just motors up. I've gotten to where I can control her at the trot, and usually at the walk, so it isn't a big deal, and most of the time, by the time we canter now, she's with me... but not always. It depends on her mood. And the day I tried to ride Second Level Test 1 (which is too similar to First Level Test 1), she came totally undone. She KNEW the difference.

Well, Jürgen decided to have Alena ride First Level Test 4, to see if Quila was ready to return to the show ring. If she was, he was going to have me enter a small local show this upcoming weekend. Alena turned her up centerline, and even she couldn't control the mare! Quila did to Alena AT HOME what she always does to me, and I guess Alena had a helluva time trying to school her out of it... wasn't even the slightest bit successful because Quila got so excited.

Jürgen wasn't happy about it. I, on the other hand, was relieved to hear the story. I feel so much better about myself and about my riding. IT IS NOT ME!

I'm not mad at Quila. She's had a tough life, and she's come a long way. At one time, I didn't think she'd ever be able to show at all, but we were Circuit Champions last year. And at home, I'm continuing to learn from her, despite the fact she's pushing 19. She's my best friend and faithful companion, and she tries hard. But she worries, and rushing in tests is how the worry manifests itself. It's a residual neurosis from how she'd been treated before I owned her.

At least it is human-induced. Promise has no such issues, nor does Margarita, who is doing incredibly well. Two days under saddle now, and she looks like a pro! Quila has another date with Pik's Pride in the spring. I suspect there will be a long line for this next foal--which will be for sale.