A Little Help From My Friends

I was touched by the thoughtfulness of my daughter, Jürgen and several of my boarders today. As far as I know, they don't read my blog, (I don't think anybody really reads it, given how few visitors I get--and I've never had anyone leave a comment) and I hadn't said anything to them about how I've been feeling, but I guess they noticed.

They've been asking regularly, "How are you doing? Are you okay?" My answer has been, "Yeah, sure." Because I am okay. I'm healthy. I'm fitter than I've ever been. I actually like my personal trainer nearly all the time (although there were a few minutes last night when I told him that I took back all the nice things I'd said--he made me do two quadriceps exercises back-to-back, three sets each to exhaustion, so it was really 6 quadriceps exercises to exhaustion, with only a 10 second break between them. My quads won't speak to him at least until Monday, and they probably won't speak to me again until then, either.)

Anyway, I can't complain about too much, except that I miss Promise. I miss having her to look forward to, and there just isn't much joy in riding anymore as a result. I love Quila. She's a great mare, but age has caught up with her, and I've faced the fact that First Level is her limit. She is a First Level horse, and the perfect volté (which we can now do) is about the best she can manage at trot. At canter, we've got counter canter and simple changes, but that won't buy us a ticket to Second Level. Not without shoulder-in. So... it's been tough dragging myself to the barn. Tough getting enthused about running the place.

What have they done, these beloved people? First, they talked to dear, less-than-enthusiastic-about-this-whole-horse-ownership-business-hubby (hubby, who has put me on restriction for horse purchases and trips to Europe), and laid out a plan for selling horses I own, setting out to buy a horse that I can ride and compete this coming year, and allowing me to retire Quila as I'd originally planned. And they've set the wheels in motion for doing so and begun to search. I'm grateful, because I haven't the heart or energy to look myself (nor did I have the nerve to ask hubby, who has been more than gracious over the years with my horse addiction) about another horse. Not with a kid in college.

And, they also came up with a business plan for the ranch, aimed at filling it with boarders and starting new programs that will be fun for everyone, programs they want to help run. They're infusing the place, and me, with a new energy.

Even though I'm crying as I type this, I don't feel quite so lost and hopeless. They gave me just what I needed.

It's Still Hard

This was the first weekend I've been back "in circulation" since I lost Promise. It wasn't easy.

I really haven't been riding much. I wouldn't be riding at all if it weren't for Quila... I don't have the heart for it right now... but she needs me. In her life, she's been through so much, and she's come to where she completely trusts again and she tries so hard for me--I could never let her feel abandoned. So I go out and ride her, at least 4 days a week, anyway. She likes Alena, and one of the barn moms spoils her, so I don't mind skipping one or two days, but never two in a row. It wouldn't be fair.

But it feels like all of my goals vanished overnight, like I have nothing to work toward for the first time ever, and I don't know how to deal with that. And with Quila, I'm still working on the same old things I've been working on forever. Her age, now, has put a ceiling on our achievements together, I'm afraid. The only difference in our riding is that my voltés are round and I don't lose the shoulders or the haunches anymore (or when I do, I know it and I know what I need to do in order to correct it). Small consolation.

I've been avoiding the horse world.

But this weekend was our chapter's first CDI***, and I'm on the board. I promised I'd scribe for the weekend a long time ago, and I didn't want to let the volunteer coordinator down. I saw some pretty amazing horses and some pretty amazing rides (and, unfortunately, some pretty painful ones, too). It wasn't easy. I enjoyed seeing my friends again, and a beautiful horse ridden well is always a joy to behold, but I couldn't help feeling my loss more sharply. The ache, which had started to subside just a little, came back even more powerfully, because I know what I lost.

I know grief is like that. I know it will pass, lessen and I'll be able to find joy in my sport again, but I sure can't find it now. I just want that mare back. The one I waited for, watched enter the world, and fussed over for those 5 long years until it would be my turn to ride her, and then my turn never came. The one whose hugs were almost as good as her mother's. Times like this I wonder "Why horses?" Mountain biking and wind surfing never broke my heart.

Pik's Promise RIP 5/2002 - 10/12/2007

This is probably the most difficult post I will ever write.

Her name said it all. She was full of promise and hope and talent and beauty, everything I had hoped and dreamed, and all too soon, she has gone to join the angels. I never even had my chance to ride her, except the one time at the walk.

Promise sustained an extremely rare traumatic injury--so rare that her two primary vets, in 40+ years of combined experience between them have only seen a total of five cases--resulting in a catastrophic breakdown. It could not have been foreseen or prevented, and there was no treatment. She was relieved of her suffering on October 12, 2007, when the extent of the injury became clear. I am grateful to Richard Markell, DVM, who cared for her during her illness--kinder, more compassionate veterinarians do not exist, nor do veterinarians that work harder or more intelligently to look for miracles. If there had been one to be found, I have no doubt that he would have found it. He's the best. I'm also grateful to consultants Mark Martinelli, DVM and Lynn Richardson, DVM. It was not for lack of care or caring that we lost my precious girl.

Pik's Promise was a Gold Medal Premium foal with the Rheinland-Pfalz-Saar who fulfilled that initial potential when she matured. As a mare, she received straight 8's across the board for all aspects of conformation and gaits at her Mare Inspection. Her score was the highest in the United States for the Rheinland-Pfalz-Saar in 2005. No mare scored as high or higher in 2004, 2006 or 2007, either. Even though she was from a "non-recognized" studbook, the NA/WPN agreed to inspect her for possible entry (no guarantees) into their Auxiliary Mare Book. They liked what they saw so much that they awarded her a First Premium, and once she fulfilled their x-ray and endoscopy requirements, she was entered into their Main Mare Book with the coveted Ster and PROK Predicates. She has a lovely yearling foal that fell just short of a Premium with the NA/WPN, which didn't surprise us, since the foal was born almost a month premature and hadn't caught up on her growth at the time of the inspection.

But Promise wasn't just lovely to look at. She was amazing in the show ring, too. She was a little shaky at her first show, where she went all by herself, with no friends for reassurance--but she still kept her scores in the mid-60's. She was in the high 60's at the second, and at her third show, she won the high point award for the show with a score of 74.4% at Training Level Test 4. Every score was better than the previous, and her confidence level was skyrocketing.

I had my first lesson on her scheduled for October 16, after my trainers returned from vacation.

I have lost a beloved friend and I no longer see bright future in front of me. Right now, I thank God that Quila is healthy (and I pray that she remains so), and I will take each day as it comes, but I have no plans to show. I'm afraid to push my luck with Quila and I need her at home.

A Little Insight

It had been nearly three weeks since I'd ridden, probably the longest time I've been out of the saddle in several years. Ordinarily, that would be a bad thing. This time, however, it was not. It was very, very good.

The first 10 days, I was working feverishly to prepare for the Maui Writer's Conference. Not many of my equestrian friends realize that I write, but I do. (It's sometimes easier to keep my riding and writing lives separate, otherwise I end up spelling all the time, since the words sound so similar). I'm a published author--of short stories--and I hope to have my first novel published very soon. In Maui, I rubbed elbows with Pulitzer Prize winners and NY Times Best-selling authors, who generously shared their wisdom, and helped me hone my craft. And who showed me that my novel, which I thought was pretty damn good--and finished--could be made better and still had work left to do. It was the vacation of a lifetime. I've never worked so hard (or been so tired) in my life. Up at 6 A.M. and either writing, talking about writing, or listening to others talk about writing until midnight (except for drinks in the hotel bar for an hour or so around 4 P.M.; we couldn't cope without a little bit of blowing off steam). I've also never enjoyed myself half so much. I'm already signed up again for next year. As a result of the trip, I have some top-name agents and publishing houses interested in my book. I'm still walking in the clouds and struggling to find my way back to earth.

The trip almost didn't happen. My father (87 years old), broke his leg 4 days before I was supposed to leave, but the doctors caring for him were skilled, and I was born into a family of saints who gathered around and did all that was necessary to watch over him so I could leave, without once complaining that I wasn't shouldering my share of the load. In fact, they never once let on just how much load they were shouldering until after my return. I appreciate how much they sheltered me from the guilt... the peace they gave me to be who I needed to be and do what I needed to do. What a gift!

Now that I'm back, I'm riding again. Miss Quila is now back to full work, and she's feeling pretty darn fit. Alena has been riding her, and she's done a lovely job. I hardly recognize the mare... she's so straight in her body, soft on the bit, good to the half halts. It's a miracle, really. Of course, it's the first time she's ever come back without my interference, and when I do ride her, I'm so much more educated now (Thank you, Facet!), so I don't re-teach her bad habits.

I realized, since I rode yesterday for the first time since I don't know when without any pain anywhere in my body, that the trouble I have with my left leg in canter doesn't stem from the left leg... it's actually a result of tightness in my right hip. Today, I focused on keeping the right hip open, and using it correctly, and the left leg issues corrected themselves.

Jürgen and Alena also had another revelation, to which I say HALLELUJAH! Ever since I began showing Quila, I've been saying that she becomes a different horse when she goes down centerline, that she knows I'm riding a test and she changes. Jürgen and Jennifer and Susan humor me, but I know that behind my back, they are rolling their collective eyes (and Susan, as a teenager, doesn't even bother to wait until she's behind my back--she's right up front about it). I'm told I just need more show experience, that I need to "ride my horse," that I need to stop getting nervous... a litany of things.

I've always been certain that there were things I could do to counteract what she was doing, but I've always been just as certain that it was HER problem, not mine. I don't have show nerves. I don't. Well, perhaps in the barn aisle, because I hate being pressed for time. BUT--the minute my foot hits the stirrup iron, I become intently focused and the rest of the world ceases to exist for me, and especially once I'm going around the outside of the ring... I neither look right nor left, and I couldn't tell you who is even watching, or what is going on outside. I lose all awareness outside of the moment and what the horse and I are doing. I am not nervous, because that isn't a helpful emotion. I am just analyzing information and making decisions.

AND, I know that sometimes, probably most of the time, the second we turn up centerline, Quila starts to pull through the bit. It feels a lot like waterskiing when you yell "hit it"--she just motors up. I've gotten to where I can control her at the trot, and usually at the walk, so it isn't a big deal, and most of the time, by the time we canter now, she's with me... but not always. It depends on her mood. And the day I tried to ride Second Level Test 1 (which is too similar to First Level Test 1), she came totally undone. She KNEW the difference.

Well, Jürgen decided to have Alena ride First Level Test 4, to see if Quila was ready to return to the show ring. If she was, he was going to have me enter a small local show this upcoming weekend. Alena turned her up centerline, and even she couldn't control the mare! Quila did to Alena AT HOME what she always does to me, and I guess Alena had a helluva time trying to school her out of it... wasn't even the slightest bit successful because Quila got so excited.

Jürgen wasn't happy about it. I, on the other hand, was relieved to hear the story. I feel so much better about myself and about my riding. IT IS NOT ME!

I'm not mad at Quila. She's had a tough life, and she's come a long way. At one time, I didn't think she'd ever be able to show at all, but we were Circuit Champions last year. And at home, I'm continuing to learn from her, despite the fact she's pushing 19. She's my best friend and faithful companion, and she tries hard. But she worries, and rushing in tests is how the worry manifests itself. It's a residual neurosis from how she'd been treated before I owned her.

At least it is human-induced. Promise has no such issues, nor does Margarita, who is doing incredibly well. Two days under saddle now, and she looks like a pro! Quila has another date with Pik's Pride in the spring. I suspect there will be a long line for this next foal--which will be for sale.

My Girls

Tequila Sunrise might not be up to snuff yet (but we're trotting again, at least, which is good news!), but her kids are making up for it.

Promise, the older of the two, attended her 3rd show this past weekend. When she scored 68% in her first test, I was quite pleased--it was her best performance yet, and she had no major mistakes. (A few transitions could have used better balance, but hey--doesn't that happen to the best of us at times?) Then she came back and did Training Level Test 4, improved on the problem spots, and laid down a 70%. I was thrilled. She wasn't satisfied. On Sunday, she repeated Training Level Test 3 (just the one test because I figured with the heat and it being a two day show, she'd be tired), she nailed it... every bit of it, and won High Point with a 74.4%!!! I'm still floating sky high on that one.

Then, we started Quila's other daughter, three year-old Pik's Margarita, in training this week. What a darling "The Little Terrorist" has turned out to be... She is the sweetest, easiest youngster we've ever worked with! You'd think she'd had a bit in her mouth a thousand times before, she took it so easily and once it was in, she showed no reaction. AND, when we asked to her to lunge, it took all of 15 seconds for her to figure out what it was that we wanted, and for her to agree that it was a perfectly reasonable thing for us to want her to do. I daresay, if she'd had the strength, we could have placed a saddle and girth on her today, then put a rider on her back, and she would not have batted an eye--not as long as we told her she was a good girl and gave her a scratch on the forehead. She lives for praise and extra love and attention. It breaks my heart that I have to sell her, but the reality of the number of horses I own (and particularly the number of horses that require my attention and the fact that God has only given me 24 hours in a day) has become painfully obvious, and I'm having trouble keeping up with Quila and Facet right now. I've realized adding Endor to the list will be beyond me, so a junior rider at our barn is going to get a few extra rides on him (which should do her riding career wonders while her young horse is learning the ropes) during those periods when Susan is too busy with college. I will MAKE time for Promise this Fall, but there is no way in heck that I could manage Margarita, too, even if I do retire Quila. No way. And I can't forget that I've got Vittoria growing up out in the pasture, too.

(And what kind of sense would it make to have two full sisters, anyway? Because really, it would be a choice between Vittoria and Margarita... and Vittoria has Facet in her, too. Oh, I hate this. I truly do... Why can't I have everything--the old my cake and eat it, too, syndrome). The best I can hope for, I guess, is a home where Margarita will get the love and affection I would give her, and I hope it will be someone that appreciates her talent and that will show her. (And that lives close by, so I can watch her grow. In a perfect world, they would get help from Jürgen, so I would know that she's getting the right training and progressing according to the correct methods...)

Just look at the two photos. You can see how identical Promise and Margarita are... same active hindleg, and Margarita will develop the same lovely topline. I whispered in Quila's ear that I would breed her again this spring--I'll bet you can guess which stallion I picked.

There are links to videos of Promise's SUPER TEST and Margarita's SECOND DAY LUNGEING here.

The German Riding Fairy

The bad news: it was more than tempo.

The good news: I don't care. The German riding fairy has paid me a visit and granted my wish, so I had a fabulous ride on Facet today anyway. I actually FELT like I knew what I was doing (there are days when I'm told I look like it, but I've yet to feel half as good as I'm told I look).

You see, after that great ride last week where I made the breakthrough with tempo, I could never quite reproduce it again. Sure, things got BETTER, but not better enough... I was still struggling to do Training Level work, just struggling a little bit closer to my goal.

Today, however, I actually rode SECOND LEVEL WORK. And, I haven't ridden a horse since Saturday. Clearly, I've been blessed by the GERMAN RIDING FAIRY. Actually, the real difference is that Facet's saddle is in the shop, so I had to ride him in Quila's saddle, and for the first time EVER, I forgot I was even sitting in a saddle. I forgot about my seat, forgot about trying to sit on his back, forgot that I had ever had difficulty sitting his gaits... it was like I'd been riding him all my life. IT FELT LIKE HOME.

Can a saddle make that much difference? Obviously it can. Because it did. I didn't struggle today, not one little bit. I rode shoulder in--and like Quila, I'm a helluva lot better to the right than I am to the left, so I guess it MUST be my problem since Facet's stiff side is opposite hers--and I was able to COLLECT the canter, ride counter canter and do some canter-walk-canter transitions. (We won't discuss my requests for flying changes that he studiously ignored--as in completely 100% ignored my aids, "I'll counter canter for you all day lady, but until you get your aids and timing right, I'm not even going to think about changing" ignored. We decided to try again another day.)

Last week, I struggled to even maintain working canter. Today, I was riding COLLECTED CANTER, and I could do it. Mostly. I was admittedly pushing the envelope, and there were times I pushed the envelope too far and we ended up trotting, but that's part of learning (and once I'd done it a few times, Facet started to play with me and started to fall out of canter earlier and earlier until I gave him a smack with the whip, then he was back to his good old gentlemanly self). I also extended and collected in the canter and felt my sporty stallion respond to leg and seat in a way Quila never has (and that he's never done for me before)--GREAT FEELING--and I rode a trot lengthening.

You cannot imagine what today did for my self-confidence. I do not feel like the same rider that I was last week. I still need to learn his buttons--he responds so differently than Quila--but I was actually able to RIDE him, something I'd been struggling to do before. I'm not a klutz, I'm not, I'm not. Jürgen hasn't been wasting his time on me.

I hope they never fix Facet's old saddle (which interestingly is SUPPOSED to be the same make and model as Quila's, but it sure doesn't ride like it)... or rather, that when they do, it feels just like hers. If it doesn't, I think I'll pretend I never saw it. I will not go back to the struggle. Why should I? Her saddle fits him well, and I don't think she'll mind sharing.

Her saddle is the equine equivalent, I think, of the pants in the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. So far, it has fit every horse I've tried riding in it on. Jürgen says that saddles like that come along once in a lifetime, and that I should cherish it. I do. It will have a spa day on Monday, with a nice mineral oil bath.

Aha! Tempo...

I had a lightbulb moment today. I'm always hesitant to report them, because I know if/when Susan reads them, she'll call one of her YR friends, and the two of them will point and laugh, and try not to fall over. Susan can never believe how slow I am on the uptake, but usually it is all a matter of misunderstanding. I hear the words, but I don't assign the proper context.

Forever, now, Jürgen has said to make Facet "quick to my leg" and to "keep the jump" in the canter. He tells me "more canter" and I'm "losing the canter." I know I'm losing the canter (fortunately for matters of propriety, I can curse silently... Jürgen would not care to hear the names I call him when he states the obvious, and I am not able to do anything to correct it :sheepish grin:).

Today, however, there was no music playing in the dressage court, and that magnified the problem. You see, I'm very much aware of the music. I tend to breathe by it, and if the wrong music is playing, it can really screw me up if I'm not careful. The right music can really help my riding. (Is the fact that my trot work is absolutely at its finest when Quila and I ride to Ricky Martin my issue or hers???)

Anyway, at canter today with Facet, it became obvious we were getting slower and slower in canter until we fell back into trot. I don't know why... because Jürgen didn't particularly say anything different, but somehow, I noticed it in conjunction with his usual phrases. I tried adding leg a split second or two EARLIER than I wanted to, tried to think about speeding up the tempo. Magically, Facet stopped requiring any particular energy at all on my part to stay in the canter. I didn't need much squeeze. I just had to keep adding the cue whenever he started to lose energy. WOW!

So, I discovered I'd been waiting for Facet to set the tempo, and he was waiting for me... and we were slowing down to nothing as a result. I vaguely remember having had this really really problematically at trot when I first started riding him, but it felt different back then, and I no longer have an issue with trot. (And by first started riding him, I'm thinking about 2003, when I first imported him!). I had lots of problems with lots of things back then.

This will make a big difference, I think. I'm looking forward to my next ride with the gentleman.

Frustrated

This has not been a good competition year for me. In fact, it hasn't been a competition year at all. Quila and I just can't seem to get it together... or rather, I can't seem to get her sound long enough to get her fit. She's trying, and I get glimpses of how wonderful she can be, but nothing has been sustainable.

The upside is that Facet looks as if he's found the fountain of youth. His coat is shiny, his muscling is wonderful, and there is a bounce in his step that I, for one, thought I'd never see again. I've been able to ride him when Quila has been unavailable, and even when I can ride Quila, I've alternated between the two. As a result, I feel as if there would be a demonstrable difference in my riding... if only I had the chance to prove it. I can't, really, on Facet. I still look like a beginner much of the time. Not that I haven't improved by leaps and bounds with him (I can sit his gaits with ease now, and the transitions between gaits are generally smooth), but keeping him in front of my leg, particularly at the canter, remains a challenge. The skill I'm working on now is learning how to keep him soft in the jaw/poll, and round/through, without losing forward energy. There's a delicate balance there, and it's so easy to lose it, and not support enough with the leg. Too much, and I'm told, "He's not a four year-old, and this is not a materiale class--collect him!" Not enough, and we break gait. Sigh. But I'm getting a better feel. Of course, if I would ride him in the double, it would be easier... it would remove the jaw/poll from the equation... but I refuse. I hate the double bridle, and if he continues to go as well as he has been, I could conceivably show him. But not for some time in a double... (i.e., I'd have to be able to ride to Third Level, and I'm a ways from there), so I keep working in the snaffle. I figure the extra effort now will pay off for me in the long run, even if Jürgen is pulling out his hair in frustration.

But, while I may struggle with Facet, who insists that I do everything "just so," I get on Quila, and she's become a dream to ride. Every thing I learn on him transfers over to her, and she becomes that much better, that much easier to ride. I've hardly cantered her at all since April, but the quality of her trot is vastly improved. So much more "through" and she's so much lighter in the bridle. I can ride her from the seat now, collect her with seat and leg and minimum of hand, and really insist on my tempo by sitting in and using my core. It's a great feeling. And I have a much better sense of using my leg to shape her, and for controlling my seatbones.

When we did canter, that was better, too. The balance was better, and the single day of counter canter we did before the last setback was fabulous. But more recently, she had a problem trim from the old farrier... just a little short, but it took ten days for her to grow long enough to where she could be really worked again. And now, yesterday, her right fetlock was swollen. I iced and poulticed, and gave her Bute. And I said a prayer. I hope it is nothing, but her fetlocks have plagued us in the past.

The bright side, I guess, is that Facet is doing so spectacularly well, and I really could start riding Promise. She is becoming solid as a rock. I would like for her to have more show experience before I start showing her, but just because I start riding her doesn't mean I have to be the one showing her... at least not yet. So, I have options even though I'm not ready to give Quila up yet. On the other hand, I am getting tired of beating my head against the wall, and that's certainly what this year has felt like.

My Winner

Pik's Promise (Pik's Pride x Top of Class x Der Radetzky) went to her second show this past weekend. Is was a radically different experience than her first show because we set her up for success. Amazing how that works, isn't it? She trailered there with 3 friends, was in a warm-up ring full of horses, surrounded by horses who lived on the property that were looking on while they contentedly sunned themselves and/or ate their lunch (she's used to that at home), and the show ring was immediately adjacent to the warm-up, so she didn't feel like she was leaving anybody. Simple.

She was relaxed and confident, except the large letters had her a bit "curious" at first--not spooky, but she did want to take a closer look. She was a very good girl in the ring, if a bit tired from the trailer ride and a longer warm-up than we needed. We've still got a learning curve there. But I was VERY pleased with her, and with her rider. Promise has a great mind, and she's going to be a solid performer. And after two shows, I can confidently say that I will be very comfortable riding and showing her when I get my turn--but I remain committed to leaving her in professional hands for this all-important year.

(Besides, I'm having a wonderful time riding Facet. He feels younger than ever, and he's teaching me a lot. He's a devil for the details. The smallest things--a shoulder an inch too far back, for example--make a BIG difference to him and how he goes for me. I've got his trot figured out now, in that I can sit it just fine. Now I'm working on getting it nicely forward, and I'm working on getting crisp transitions between gaits, plus keeping the jump in the canter. I still don't feel like I'm anywhere close to where I'd want to show him, even at First Level (and really, I want to wait until we're doing Second Level work), but I'm learning more and more about my own body and my own riding every day that I ride him and I feel like I'm making lots of progress. That seems so funny to say... I'm not ready to show First Level with him yet, but I'm making lots of progress, when I was schooling Second with Quila in mid-March. How can I be riding so much better/stronger now when I'm performing at a lower level??? Well, when Quila is fit again, she's not going to know what hit her, because I'm going to be more correct, and as a result, she's going to have to be, too (and I won't need her to cheat for me anymore--I had no idea how "good" to me she was and how much she fudged for me because she knew what I wanted).

She's trotting again, we'll canter this week. I can hardly wait to get her all the way back, but will take my time... no sense in taking any steps backward. But the true measure of progress for me has always been whether or not I can take what I learn and translate it into performance with her.

Proud Mom

I was up painfully early today (4 A.M.) and at the barn by 5:30 A.M. to take Promise to her first show. Somehow, we managed to have the bad luck to draw the first ride of the day. And it was bad luck for a young horse's first show... Promise rode alone in the trailer to the show and was alone in the stabling area. It was a one-day show, so the majority of the horses didn't even bother to rent stalls, though the fee was only $10 more than hauling in, and stalls give the horses a place to relax and roll while waiting for scores and for other horses to finish... The other horse in our barn didn't show until 10 A.M.--nearly two hours after us--so his lucky owner got to sleep-in by comparison.

Promise was also alone in the warm-up and in the show-ring. She was anxious, but she didn't call out and she trusted Birthe. She was fine until a gust of wind blew and rattled the doors on the indoor arena--then she decided that it wasn't safe down by "A". She wasn't horrible, though--she just refused to stay on the rail and became a bit distracted. I was encouraged by two things. First, she didn't do anything that was at all dangerous to herself or her rider. (Gotta love a horse that doesn't buck, bolt or spin when frightened!) And second, she calmed again and returned her attention to Birthe as soon as she left the scary area.

I've watched more than a few tests that have gone from bad to worse once a horse has become frightened--tests where you find yourself praying that it would just end soon. That was not the case with Promise. She kept pulling herself together again, and would have nice long sections that were lovely, but then the test would make her go down "there" again. If only she could have shown in a shortened 20 x 40 meter arena and cut off the 20 meters on "that end," then life would have been good, ya know?

She only lacks experience. She's been away from home only once before (except to go to the hospital, and I don't think she thought very much of THAT particular trip), and she's NEVER seen an indoor arena before in her life. That she handled it as well as she did is remarkable. She'll be a trooper with more experience, I'm certain. She acted like she's been riding in a trailer all her life, and didn't seem the slightest bit stressed about that part of the adventure.

She placed 2nd and 4th.

Photo album online here.

If It's True, I'm Gaining

If "No pain, no gain" is true, then I am definitely gaining. Or, if as my nephew says, "It's not pain, it's weakness leaving your body," then I have no weakness left. I am absolutely certain of that fact.

Parts of me hurt that I didn't know I owned. The only swinging I'm doing right now is in a hammock, and then only if there's a stiff breeze...

You see, after 3 weeks of no riding, I'm back in the saddle. But not on my comfy couch Tequila (who had her hocks injected yesterday and is on handwalk A..G..A..I..N--thankfully, looks cannot kill, because she is NOT happy about it) but on Facet. Mr. I'm-so-bouncy-and-and-full-of-suspension-that-you-don't-ever-need-another-ab-workout himself. And, if that weren't enough, I'm redoubling my efforts in Pilates AND I'm going to the gym and working with my soon-to-be-certified-as-a-personal-trainer nephew. Why? He needed a "practice client" and I volunteered. I may have had a few glasses of wine at the time...

Actually, Andy's doing a wonderful job. He knows just how hard to push me, he made a great assessment of my current level of fitness and what muscle groups were strong and which ones weren't (I can do 110 pounds on the thigh adductor machine--which causes the jaws of a lot of the guys to drop, but my quads are pathetically weak and have no endurance), and he's come up with a program to even things out and improve my overall stamina, cardio and strength, and to make it easier for me to ride Facet and Endor. Riding was the main reason I decided I needed to start going to the gym, that Pilates wasn't enough, so I'm glad we're keeping that in the back of our minds.

I feel good when I'm exercising. Once I got to Pilates this morning, it was fine. Once I was riding today, it was fine. Once I was at the gym last night, it was fine. But walking around, simply breathing, and stretching--Oh, God, stretching is particularly a killer--are painful reminders that my body isn't in its twenties anymore. Do any of those three things, and I hurt. A lot.

I just need to get past the next few weeks, though. Particularly the next week or two, and then it will be good. I know this from past experience. That's why I have the personal trainer. My gym membership comes with their pros for 10 sessions, plus I have Andy. And then Jürgen pushes me when I ride, and I have the semi-privates at Pilates to keep pushing me, as well. In the meantime, hot baths, anti-inflammatories and whining should get me through. :wink:

Watch This Space!

Pik's Promise is entered in her first show on Sunday--to be shown Training Level and in the 5 year-old Materiale Classes. Birthe Laufer will be riding her, and Bill and I will be there, cameras in hand, to document her big day. Of course, my website and blog pages will be littered with the results.

American Idol - WOW

Melinda Doolittle is still my favorite, but I have a whole new level of appreciation for Blake after last night. I hope he'll record this, because I'd like a quality version for my iPod. Big improvement on the original, don't you think?

GOOD NEWS!

Quila had a recheck today on her suspensory, and we received the ALL CLEAR!

She still has superficial swelling, but who cares? The tendon itself looks super with no sign of injury on the scan, and she flexes and jogs sound. We've been given the go ahead to return to light work for the next two to three weeks, and then if she still is looking good, we can slowly resume a full workload and potentially return to the showring at First Level by mid-June.

YIPPEE!

I know Quila will be thrilled, if for no other reason than she has completely lost patience with handwalking. I feel like I'm torturing her every time I get her out, based on the forlorn looks she gives me. She'll be much happier under saddle.

As usual, Jürgen was right--aggressive care did the trick. He'll oversee her shoeing this weekend (we have our German shoer coming), and also her rehab, and I have no doubt that she'll stay sound. He's worked miracles for me before... :D

Puzzling Questions Answered

So... they can explain the inner workings of the teenaged mind, but still can't tell us why the dressage arena letters are arranged as they are!?!?!?!

I'm excited. Creek Hollow Ranch is having a dressage SHOW, not just a breed show, for their May show date. That means that Tequila's daughter, Pik's Promise, will have her SHOW DEBUT. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this day! (Well, actually, anyone who has bred a horse and waited those 11 anxious months of a mare's pregnancy, then the three interminably long years for the foal to grow up, then watched while she was started under saddle... and paced while the young horse went through her own pregnancy and waited while she got fit again, then had a heart attack when she injured herself and had to have stitches under general anesthesia, but sighed with relief when the injury wasn't as bad as it looked, then waited patiently for her to heal and get fit again, and then waited for there FINALLY to be a show that was appropriate does probably understand. It's been a long time coming!)

Birthe will show her for me. Plans are to enter her in the Materiale Class and at Training Level. She is going well, is super-balanced and doing work far beyond Training Level, but it will be her first show--and her first time working away from home--so we'd like Birthe to be able to focus on making it a good experience for her and not on preparing her for the movements. We'll worry about what test she really ought to be showing at some point in the future. I'd like for her to get a lot of show experience this year with Birthe before I start riding her this Fall and showing her in the 2008 season.

Meanwhile, I'm riding Facet and having a wonderful time. Between additional trips to the gym for me (my nephew, who's about halfway through a certificate program as a personal trainer, has been seeing that I work harder than I normally would and making sure that my workout is balanced--he supervises every repetition that I do and every second of my cardio, so I couldn't cheat if I wanted to!) and Facet's insistence that I ride absolutely correctly, things are coming along and I'm starting to feel like I CAN ride. (Facet was making me look pretty bad there for awhile because he was so diligent at pointint out my bad habits).

I'm even getting cocky enough to think about riding Endor (with his HUGE gaits) in another few weeks.

Progress Report

Quila's showing slow improvement.

I was beginning to get alarmed when the swelling hadn't gone down at all after the first week, and there was still heat, but FINALLY, the last day or so, it has been looking better. She'll be thrilled when I tell her that tomorrow is the last day of Bute. She hates Bute.

The only part she likes is the twice daily bran mashes. She loves bran mashes. Of course, she'd like to have her grain, too, but given a choice, she'd pick bran mashes over grain in a heart beat. Go figure.

She also hates being handwalked. Anyone that sees us making our 7 laps of the perimeter of the property for our 30 minute stint remarks on it... her head hangs low, and her face, which always has a wealth of expression, has a look that says, "Why am I being punished? What did I do?" She looks absolutely miserable.

She is not a mare that needs words, her voice or action in order to communicate. You only need to look at her face. Her eyes and facial expressions speak volumes. Anyone can read her basic thoughts, and I never have to guess at what she's thinking.

I hope we'll get clearance for tackwalking when she's rescanned. She'd be much happier. That, at least, feels worthwhile to her. She'll have a bounce in her step and stop moping, stop looking like she's being led to the slaughter. I'll have to see if I can find someone to snap a photo... the misery on her face is almost laughable, like a small child with a big pout on.

Damn It!

We didn't get the news I'd hoped for yesterday.

Tequila has at least a strained suspensory, maybe a tear. There was too much edema surrounding the tendon to get a good view, so we're going to be doing aggressive conservative therapy to get the swelling and inflammation down over the next two weeks, and then rescan. THE GOOD NEWS? There was no obvious "black hole." THE BAD? We're off for at least a month. Bye, bye Del Mar National. Bye, bye DG Bar. Shit, shit, shit.

Worse yet. No fun with my favorite riding partner at all. She hates handwalking. So do I. She glared sullenly at me the entire 30 minutes today (and at Birthe during Birthe's stint).

So for now, it's Naquasone for 4 days, Bute for 10 days, and we're icing 4 times a day, handwalking for 30 minutes twice a day, and I'm poulticing it every night. And prayer. Lot's of prayer. I want my best buddy back as my riding partner.

Two weeks actually puts us in the middle of World Cup, and my vet is the official vet for the US Dressage competitors (not to mention that I plan to be in Las Vegas, too, leading the cheering section for Leslie Morse)--so our reassessment will have to wait until after we all get back.

Hmmmmph.

Say A Prayer...

As if creaky hocks weren't enough, yesterday, when I went to ride Quila, I found a new problem. She had swelling and heat in the suspensory/deep digital flexor tendon area of the right hind--all new. She's never had a problem there before, and she has no reason to have one there now, especially after the last week of work, which is less than 40% of the usual intensity. We've only done basic walk/trot/canter, no circles smaller than 15 meters, no forward/back within the gaits, no lengthenings.

She is the Queen of casting herself, but she's also smart about carefully pushing herself clear of the wall--and I keep her wrapped all the way around for just that reason. Her bandages were undisturbed. I hope it will turn out to be nothing. I iced it twice yesterday, then put her away for the night with it slathered in poultice. The vet is due out today for the hocks... I'll guess he'll be looking at it as well.

I didn't jog her, so I didn't get a sense of lameness. She didn't seem too bad at the walk (but I can never tell a darn thing at the walk, not unless she's so darn lame I can't bear to look).

The photo is from the Dressage Affaire Show, taken by Amy McCool. She said I could post it with attribution. It's our first photo in lateral work--the first one worth claiming, anyway.

WOW - Watch This!

A friend sent me the link to this video, and I found it to be one of the most amazing things I've seen... I have to share it. There are some people who have so much talent and artistry that they make your mouth drop open. This man is a juggler, and what he is able to do is unbelievable. Make sure your sound is turned on, since this is choreographed to music!

Creaky

Well, perhaps it wasn't ALL Quila's fault... A few days after the last show, Quila developed a little unevenness behind, more so on the left, that seems to be coming from her hock. We thought it might have been because she was a little long in the toe, making breakover more difficult, so we waited until after she was shod and gave her a few days to settle into her new shoes. She was better, but not normal.

She remained reluctant to take weight evenly behind--so we scratched from the Festival of the Horse CDI*** this past weekend, and the vet will be out this week to check her. My guess is that she's due for a "lube and oil change" in the hocks. We haven't had to inject anything for more than 2 years, thanks to joint supplements. She's been on high dose Legend until a few months ago, when I found she did better, with less on/off effect from LubriSyn--but now we've been showing every two weeks, and working hard schooling extensions and more collection, doing Second Level work, and I think her hocks are telling us something. Not surprising given her age--at 18, it's remarkable that she's done this well.

Medium Canter?

I thought we had our issues figured out, and I was right for walk and trot.

We'd have consistently scored between 68 and 75% if we could have stopped our tests at the end of the free walk. Maybe we can get a special allowance from USEF??? We even had trot EXTENSIONS at this show! (We've been working on them, and while they aren't beautiful--never will be--at least you can tell we're doing one now, and we're getting 6's and 7's on them instead of 4's and 5's!)

Our problems were in the canter work. Tequila had it in her head that she was going to do it all in medium canter, and on the first and third days, she was successful at taking over. On the first day, she pulled me out of position from the very beginning, and I wasn't able to regain the upper hand, ever. In fact, I was so discombobulated that I went off course. Had I had my wits about me, when I stopped for the judge to give me instructions, I could have used that as an opportunity to regain control--but no, I think I had mentally given up. It was ugly. The 4's and 5's in the canter dropped what had been a lovely test down to a 59%. We still placed 2nd (the other poor AA's had days that were even worse, spooking and bolting through the arena at flowers and decorations that were blowing around).

The second day, there were moments when she DID listen (we had a tug of war of control in the canter) so our score wasn't quite so bad (plus we had seven scores of '8' in our TROT work!) to finish with a 63. Unfortunately, the rest of the class of 12 pulled it together, too, so no ribbon for us (and no qualifying score, since the judge was the ONLY one I'd received a qualifying score from already--just my luck!).

The third day, Quila was determined to take back control. I held on through the first two canter movements, but then she launched a surprise attack and jerked me forward. She won. It was ugly. Back to a despicable 59% and a major case of the doldrums for me. I was truly ready to give up on showing... We did so well with the trot and walk, but the canter thing was really bugging me. And canter is our strong suit at home. Our warm-up went well--I'd schooled simple changes and canter-halt, and she'd been soft: the half halts worked then. Of course, at home, if she misbehaves like this, I can halt her on her behind and have a little talk with her. That's hard to do in the show ring, and she's smart enough to know it, to know that once we go down centerline, she's in the clear. But maybe not... After discussing it with Birthe, Cynthia Collins and a few friends (and I should have discussed it with Jürgen, but he was coaching Leslie Morse, and she's so much more important than I am that I didn't want to distract him and get in his way. I know that he would have cared, but I was the one that made that choice. Leslie is important--to me, too--and I wanted him to keep his focus on her. What Quila and I did at this show was inconsequential compared to getting Leslie and TipTop performing at their best and headed towards World Cup), I resolved that I would stop her if she pulled it again, and if it meant that I was DQ'd, so be it. I'd absolutely had it.

As it turned out, Jennifer coached me on the final day. She arrived after Leslie's ride, so for the last 20 minutes or so of my warm-up. I had already determined that our trot was fine, and was riding canter-trot and canter-walk transitions. She had me up the ante and ride canter lengthening to halt transitions, and to do immediate reinbacks if Quila wasn't paying attention. Well, that made Quila sit up and take notice. Quila didn't like it much--not much at all. Especially the reinback part. By the time we rode our test, she had a whole lot more respect for my seat and leg in the half halts, and while she wasn't an angel, she was much much better. There were still a few areas where she tried to do it her way (including one entire (double coefficient--damn her!) movement, but for the most part, it was my test, and a huge improvement from the three previous days. The trot work wasn't as brilliant as it had been--she was starting to tire a bit there--but overal she was much better, and she was listening.

I plan to continue this work over the next two weeks leading up to the LA CDI*** because I have absolutely had it. It's a great feeling to have confidence in the walk and trot now--but I want to feel that way about the canter, too. AND, if we're going to have any hope at all of showing Second Level, she needs to collect.

The Big Test

I look pretty happy, don't I? That's me, picking up my 2006 Circuit Champion ribbon and jacket, hard-earned (more by Jürgen than me, I think, with grey hairs where he still has hair remaining* to prove it!) by years spent correcting problems in both Tequila's and my foundation. *I'm afraid I may be the cause of his baldness, too.

The Dressage Affaire is this coming week, March 15 - 18, and with any luck, we'll get the go ahead to test the waters at Second Level on Saturday March 17. I say "with any luck" because the test requires collection, and as of the last show, we had not demonstrated the ability to collect consistently in the canter (my injured hamstring largely to blame). Jürgen has been riding Quila more this past week (every few days), and I've been conscientious about using heat and stretching the hamstring, so while it's not back to 100%, I'm able to perform pretty much up to snuff in lessons--Quila isn't able to get away with anything. I think I'll be able to hold up through 4 days of showing, especially since I'll have access to heat throughout the show this time (and because Jürgen knows what he's up against, and can plan our warm-ups accordingly).

Our rides at home have gone well. We (Quila and I) did have a bit of an argument over what was to be done in Second Level Test 1 coming out of the corner at M in the canter and going across the short diagonal towards E. In First Level Test 4, the movement calls for a down transition to trot as you cross the center-line, but at Second/1 it is a simple change at the quarter-line. Quila was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that Mom was STUPID and so she decided she would take care of it for me, giving me an unrequested down transition. I got after her for it, put more leg on, and tried to tell her "No, stay in canter." She decided I'd lost my mind and that I really meant, "No, come under yourself more in the down transition to trot," so she gave me a spectacular canter-trot transition. IF she gives me that when we ride First Level Test 4, we should get at least a 9--but if she insists on the same in Second Level Test 1, all is lost. I had to smack her with the whip and scold her to get her to listen and wait for the aids. Finaly I saw her ears prick up-- a sign that the wheels were turning: "Oh, you really MEANT simple change, and not at the center-line. I get it." Good girl. After that, life was fine.

I just hope now she won't think we're doing simple changes in the First Level Test 4 tests... Sometimes it's a royal PITA riding a mare that THINKS, but I haven't quite figured out how to avoid it. I tell her and tell her and tell her what it is that I REALLY mean, but she still seems to think that she has to help, and she tries anyway. She's too damn smart. Grrrrr.

At least the shoulder-in went really well yesterday, both directions. So, in general, I'm feeling really good about the show. But then again, this is still horses. You just never know.

War and Peace

For those who can't read the small print:
Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.
Calvin: I'll be the fearless American defender of liberty and democracy.
Calvin: ...and you can be the loathsome godless communist oppressor.
Calvin: We're at war, so if you get hit with a dart, you're dead and the other side wins. OK?
Hobbes: Gotcha.
Calvin: Go!
Calvin: Kind of a stupid game, isn't it?

Ain't that the truth?

First Show of the Season--A Mixed Bag

I would be dishonest if I didn't admit that our first show was a little disappointing, though I set myself up for disappointment by having such high hopes.

Quila was excited. I knew she would be because we hadn't shown in so long--and I can't fault her for that. She didn't do anything stupid, though, and she tried. She really did. A great deal of the problem was mine. I am riding right now with a strained right hamstring. It isn't torn, but it is weak, and I don't have the stamina in it that I should. I can ride up to a certain point, and I'll have pain, but not so bad that I can't get the job done. The problem is that after a point, the muscle plain old gives out, and I can't be effective any longer--and when I get off the horse, it is spasming, and I walk with a limp until I can stretch it out and relax it.

We had a great warm-up. A really great one. If we'd have been judged on the warm-up, our score would have been a good 6 or 7% higher--but the damn judge had to wait until we went inside the ring. Don't you just hate it when you leave your ride in the warm-up? Ordinarily, Jürgen is the master of timing warm-ups, and he would have been this time, too, if I hadn't been too proud to let him in on what was going on with my hamstring... but I didn't want to be labelled a complainer, or someone that just liked to give excuses for poor performance. I hate that in other people, and refused to let it happen with me. So I ride through the pain, and just keep working. He had no idea I've had a problem, because at home, I've been able to stretch, and use ice/heat, and it hasn't really affected me so much. At the show, the ice/heat just hadn't been available--nor the trusty tennis ball to really get in there at the attachment point.

Our trot work was great. I was thrilled with it. Quila was excited, but she listened, came back after the lengthenings, and it was exactly MY pace but still active behind, and I kept perfect control of her shoulders and haunches in the voltés. We also had GREAT leg yields both sides. Should have been straight 7's (emphasis on should--this judge seemed to have been throwing out random scores, since the sucky part of my ride scored higher than the good part!) I went off course during the walk but the judge didn't notice. Then came canter. Quila LOVES canter, and she was, shall we say, joyous. Too joyous. I couldn't keep her collected enough, and all the work resembled a medium, except for the extensions, which resembled out-of-hand gallops--and the one counter-canter squiggle where I begged her to come back just a little and she broke to the trot. (We got a 7 for that--"some loss of rhythm but well-formed" was the comment). The canter work was a disaster, and it's usually the strongest part of our test. I had no right leg... it felt like it was flapping the breeze. As I told Bill, it had the same sensation as when I'd skiied far too many moguls, and I barely had the leg strength to stand, let alone walk. Talk about frustration. I KNEW what I needed to do. I have the skills now to do it, but I couldn't because my body wasn't able to perform.

Yesterday, we rode again. Quila was her normal self, and Jürgen had me ride a much shorter warm-up--perhaps only 1/3 as much. Quila seemed to know that I couldn't ride as well and needed her help, too, because she was MUCH softer in the bridle and to the aids. It didn't take much warm-up to get her through and listening, and she needed far less leg to bend and stay round. Our test went really well, I thought. The judge was fair, given her own personal peeves--she killed us for our lengthenings. The trot lengthening that Quila didn't run, we got a 4 on because there was little difference (but I felt her lift and TRY to push--you just can't see much). The lengthening that Quila really moved out on, she fell on her forehand and we got a 4 there, too. She only has the two versions: forehand/moving out or lifting/little difference. They are NOT her forté. We didn't do much canter lengthening, because I didn't have the leg to either ask or control it. And we lost points in canter because I asked for too much collection without using enough leg to maintain the jump. BUT, she was on my aids, and the points we lost (besides the lengthenings) were my points to lose. She was a VERY GOOD girl, and I'll gladly take the heat for it. It was a controlled test, and I was the boss.

I'm adjusting my attitude. Quila is an older horse and she doesn't have the greatest gaits. What's important for both of us is not the ultimate score, but how much I can learn. If I can control the ride, and learn to ride the movements, then I have accomplished my goal. I think what's been hard for me is that I go to shows with Susan and Jennifer all the time, and I get used to the fact that a "good" score is one in the mid-60's. And that's true, if you're on a horse that can perform. But we don't all have horses with that degree of talent, and to expect Quila to score mid-60's every time isn't fair to either one of us. I'm not a failure if I put in a 60% performance. Not at these levels on a limited horse. What matters is that I put in a respectable test, and that I don't look like I didn't know what the hell I was doing--that I eliminate the mental and riding errors. I'm not there to win everything with Quila (though winning is nice)--I'm there to learn everything with her so that when I start riding Promise, I'm ready. I need to keep reminding myself of that. Over and over and over again.

Another Good Day

Wow! I got to be the boss two days in a row! (More, actually, but I'm only counting test days here).

Even though it was Monday, I rode Quila today because of the rain day last Friday. She's getting a bit sticky in her poll again--we'll want to treat it again after the Dressage Affaire--but she warms out of it. After the basic trot/canter work, we practiced forward/back in trot and canter, and she showed me that she's on the aids and listening... and that her engine is really working, too. We had a German farrier here a few weeks to do a tune-up on the horses. He's an expert that works on some of the top horses there, and he showed a few secrets to our regular shoer. He didn't need to make any changes with Quila in front, but he finessed a few things in back, and since then I've noticed that she's naturally travelled straighter and has more push from behind, and slowly, that has translated into an improvement in lengthenings.

In canter, she showed great balance in collection today, too. We rode some very tiny voltés, bordering on working pirouettes, to work on sit, and also did some simple changes--even though neither is needed at First Level. She will need the simple changes at Second Level, and the bending helps us in our work all around.

Then we did a few leg yields. She's starting to do better to the right. I'm realizing that I need to help her by keeping greater contact on the inside rein in both leg yield to the right and shoulder-in yield left (both of which require moving into the right rein)... although she needs to move into the right rein, she still needs an even contact with the left rein in order to maintain roundness and avoid falling onto the forehand. My instinct is to try to ride the movements into the right rein alone--and perhaps that's the ideal--but it doesn't work with her. She needs contact to be perhaps 60:40 right rein to left rein, or maybe even 55:45.

It's not that I'm using the inside rein to flex or overflex her--I'm not. I need her to keep exactly the correct bend in the neck. It's more that I need the rein to help her balance. Perhaps the real problem is just that she hasn't developed the natural balance, and needs more help at this point. I don't know.

Once we were done with our warm-up, though, I rode the test and it was even better today. She stayed at my pace throughout, and today, I tried to concentrate really hard on keeping her round (very round) and on using my corners. Except for one spook in the corner by M, she was very good--well behaved, on the aids and listening. Such a nice change to be the one calling the shots and not having her question my leadership! I felt really good about how it went. It should be a great show.

February 25, 2007: UP TO DATE!

I just migrated this blog from my iWeb-managed site http://web.mac.com/gmwalkersd/iWeb/RidingHorsesLife/Welcome.html because it was getting too unwieldy to publish the site there every time I wanted to make changes--the software insisted on re-creating ALL of the individual blog pages, and just couldn't leave well enough alone with the archived pages. Whew! What a task. This will be much easier, though, now that the job is done.

One of the benefits of having gone to the trouble, though, is that it forced me to at least skim through my old posts... and to realize how far Quila and I have come. There are times, when I look at how far there is yet to go, that I feel like I've been spinning my wheels and that we haven't accomplished anything at all, especially since we're starting the year out showing First Level. Again. But that isn't true at all.

I rode through First Level Test 4 with Quila at home today. It was the first time we've ridden a test since September. And while our ride was not perfect (she could have been a bit rounder in the frame, and her leg yield to the right could have been a bit more prompt), I was still VERY pleased. Why? Because we went MY pace for the entire ride, and she was listening to me. Not once did she start to think, jump ahead, anticipate or second guess. She stayed on the aids, waited, and agreed that I could be the boss. Now, I know that was NOT because she's forgotten the test. I saw her ears flicker when I didn't do a stretch circle between the trot and the walk, I felt the surge of energy, ready for my command... but she waited, ready, UNTIL I asked for what I wanted. That has NEVER happened before. Not once. Ever. At home or at a show. We've had shows where she has been relaxed, quiet and well-behaved, but she's always had those wheels spinning--they were just spinning at a speed that was somewhere close to the one I wanted.

I think a large reason for this is that I've finally LEARNED and TRULY UNDERSTAND what it means to ride her. I know how to demand that she pay attention if she tries to work off her own agenda, so I no longer have the sense that things could spiral out of control. There will be no more prayers as we go down center line of "Please, God, let me ride the same horse I had in the warm-up." Other prayers, perhaps... because prayer isn't a bad thing, but I can at least dispense with the need to say that particular prayer of desperation. In fact, I've come to enjoy the extra energy that I use to despise, because I know how to channel it into improved, more expressive performance.

A few weeks ago, Quila was reacting to a pocket of spectators watching one of our boarders try saddles. The extra saddles perched on the rail, combined with the railbirds had her upset (though I can't exactly say why), and she was all huffed up and blowing steam out her ears. I had one of the best rides of the week, once I got her through--and getting her through took no longer than it normally would. And I was able to ride her from my seat and legs, without using an inordinate amount of hand. BIG change in my skill set. BIGGER change in our partnership and performance.

This will, I think, be an entirely different year. And we're signed up to show Second Level on March 17. BIG GRIN.

January 28, 2007: They WEREN'T Hallucinating...

There was a story on the CNN newswire today about a “Guide Horse for the Blind” with the photo above. Actually, I’m surprised that it’s just now getting picked up, because we met one of these horses in Los Angeles last year--it was staying at the Courtyard Embassy Suites with us.

But we (Susan and I) didn’t believe it at first, because the only ones who had seen it were Bill, Jürgen and Dirk, who had stayed up late drinking in the bar. We’d gone to bed--we had to compete in the morning. So, the next day at breakfast, when the guys tried to tell us that they’d shared the elevator with a horse on their way up to bed, we’d nodded our heads knowingly and said, “Yeah, sure. Sure you did, boys. And just how many drinks did you have after we left? And, by any chance, were there pink elephants, too?”

We teased them for days, right up until we saw the blind woman and her horse checking out in the hotel lobby. Can’t say much for eating crow. Kinda rubbery.

January 10, 2007: Please Deposit Another 25¢

Quila’s work ethic has been superb lately, and the quality of her work is the best it has ever been--but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get tired and have an opinion as to when it is time to quit!

The smart mare (and she is a smart and thinking mare), dropped a not-so-subtle hint on me yesterday. We were doing a nice working trot across the diagonal (it was late in the lesson, so it would have been cruel for me to ask for a medium), and as we approached X, she suddenly veered, faced C squarely, and gave me a perfect halt. It happened so suddenly that it was done before my synapses registered it--I mean, who expects a horse to halt in the middle of a medium trot??? We NEVER approach a halt at X from the diagonal. She’d clearly planned it, though, and she snuck it in there very carefully, without any slowing until the last second (which is the way she usually does her halt/salute).

I have to say that she was VERY good natured when I laughed and said, “Nice try, but we’re not done working yet.” She was quick to my aids, no argument, and did all that I asked for the remainder of the ride. She apparently just felt the need to express an opinion, and having done so, was content to follow to my lead.

January 5, 2007: Basics Succeed Again

I have had two of the best rides I’ve ever had on Tequila over the last two days, despite having had very few lessons in the last two months due to Jürgen’s travels in Europe. (He was gone most of November and December, and Quila was laid up with an arthritis flare a good part of while he was home in November, and I was laid up with the “bug from hell,” a souvenir from Kansas City, while he was home in December).

Jürgen has taught me well, however, regarding The Training Scale, so in his absence, I focussed on the scale and on the areas where Quila tends to block: locking in the poll, so that her contact isn’t correct and she’s leaning on the bit, and avoiding taking weight as evenly as she should by assuming the correct bend on circles or traveling straight on a straight line. Her impulsion is generally good (she LIKES forward), so all I really worked on was that she stay loose in the poll with the correct contact, and that she accept weight evenly in the hindquarters IN ALL GAITS, and not evade by popping a shoulder or leaning against my leg. We did lots and lots of transitions, changes of bend, and changes of rein. We did spiralling in and spiralling out. We did endless circles, first one way and then the other. We did figure eights, sometimes in one gait for half, and another gait for the other half. We would intersperse extended gaits. All I truly cared about was that she was a) maintaining appropriate contact with the bit, b) listening to my aids, and c) straight.

The end result has been that it is now quite easy to get her through, and the quality of her canter has improved to a degree we never thought possible for her. She is sitting beautifully and now possesses a lovely jump and collection. Simple changes are effortless for her, even though I didn’t school a single one the entire time Jürgen was gone! And the quality of her trot has improved dramatically, too. It has some swing to it now, particularly BEFORE we canter, and I have the feeling that she is actually lengthening her stride rather than running when I ask for her to extend, which is a change... After I canter, she still wants to run, and it is difficult to get her to return to the same degree of roundness and collection, but she is getting better. I thought it was because she was excited, but Jürgen says no. He says that after sitting for the canter, it is difficult for her to sit in the trot to that degree, and that she is still building up muscle. He is right, I think, because I cantered for shorter periods today, with breaks, and she was able to return to the “good” trot for brief periods of time without a struggle. We just need to build her up for that, too. She is trying SO hard, and I can tell that she is feeling quite pleased with herself. Pleased is hardly the word for how I’m feeling about her!

I just wish that we’d come to this point several years ago, and not as we’re embarking on what I expect to be my last competition season with her. I wish I hadn’t promised myself (and her) that I would retire her after this year. I’m having more fun with her now than every before, but I don’t think it would be fair to try to stretch her career out any longer. She’s a trooper, and she gives herself heart and soul to the work, but I know there are days when it can’t be easy for her.

P.S. I do also owe a debt of gratitude to Facet, Birthe and Susan, who taught me a lot about my body position and the effective use of my legs. Without their lessons, I would neither have realized that I wasn’t doing all that I could to insist that Tequila was travelling correctly nor have had the tools to accomplish my goals.

January 3, 2007: Update on THE BOOK

OK, I admit it....

I’m terrible about blogging.

But I’ve been working really hard on my book, and I’ve got a lot of work done in the last few weeks. A LOT!

After some excellent and painfully honest critique from my P&P group, I’ve reworked my “blurb” about the book (the official word for it in the lingo is “logline”), and I’m now back revising, from the beginning, with a change in focus. I realized I had too many story lines going... or rather, that the focus wasn’t clear on just whose story it was. It’s not that there can’t be subplots--there can and must--but there can only be one main plot, and I was fuzzy on that point. So, I’m fine-tuning in that regard.

I don’t mind. I actually feel really good because I feel like I have a clear view now of where I’m going, what I have left to do, and so forth. No more muddy water. And the only real casualty was Elizabeth’s husband. Poor Ed had to die (not in the book, but before it started) of a heart attack while jogging--exchanged business in Japan for “The Big One,” he did, but it had to be. The rest of the scenes just needed rearranging, perhaps a change of emphasis, but otherwise they survived.

You can find the new logline (blurb) here.

December 17, 2006: Bridle Woes Redux

The bridle issue continues...

The crescent dropped noseband bridle worked, but the Kavalkade quality was horrid--the metal started flaking after the third day of use, even though I had only cleaned it with clear water after each use. It was obvious that it would soon start wearing against Quila’s cheeks, causing irritation and/or injury, and that it was not going to hold-up. I returned it.

I was using it with a Passier Gemini bridle (sans the crank noseband and flash), so I simply put the missing pieces back together in the bridle. That’s working now, and actually, she behaves so well and is so comfortable with them, that they are both quite loose with a good bit of daylight visible around each. No tongue. I did find that the Myler bit didn’t work well with this set-up, though, so we’re back to her old Dewsbury double-broken snaffle. She’s got a nasty rub on her cheek right now that worries me a bit--but I’m not sure whether it’s from the Myler and if it heals, she’ll be good with her old Dewsbury again, or whether I’ll have to figure out something different bit-wise (maybe an Eggbutt?) She has chubby cheeks, and it looks like perhaps she’s getting pinched by the bit ring.

The mouth problems do appear to be solved, however, and that is a good thing. NOW, if only I can remember that I have legs and a seat and use them 100% of the time when I ride. Yesterday, she was a bit stiff and cranky--it was cold and windy--and I was so focussed on working on that that I forgot to to push her through to the bridle, so when she decided she could be the boss, she was having a great time for a good long while until I realized what the problem was and actually closed my legs. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

It was an epiphany of sorts, though, because I realized that it is also what I do sometimes while riding a test. I get so involved in the test that I give her the aids, but I don’t use the same “you-will-do-this” power that I used in the warm-up or while riding at home. If she’s good, that’s fine. If not, well, she wins and we ride her test. I asked Jürgen to remind me to flip the power switch to the “ON” position before every test--I think it will help.

December 11, 2006: New Website

Well, I’ve done it...

I’ve put up a web site entirely devoted to my writing. No blog there, yet (and maybe never--I have enough trouble adding to this one on a regular basis). But it’s up...

To visit it, go to: http://www.authorgaymwalker.com/Welcome.html or visit my writing blog here.

November 21, 2006: The Business of Writing

I went to the movies last Friday night with the family and friends--we saw, as you might have guessed, Stranger than Fiction. It was one of the best movies that I’ve seen in quite some time... and a not entirely inaccurate portrayal of the struggle that an author goes through with her characters. Now, I’m not suffering from Writer’s Block like Emma Thompson’s character, nor do I intend to kill my characters off (though I have one that I’d like to throttle a great deal of the time), but I do find that they often have minds of their own and that they don’t want to behave as I’ve suggested...

Let me explain the process of writing, as I see it:

I created a group of characters, and before I even began work on the book, I gave them histories--full biographies even. I imagined who they were, what their lives were like, how they spoke and dressed, their personality quirks, things like that. They became real to me. Then I set the plot in motion, introducing the characters to each other at the appropriate times, and watch the story unfold. I can control the circumstances and surroundings, by adding/subtracting people, objects or conveniences, but that’s about it. My characters must otherwise sort things out for themselves. My question, as a writer, is how (for example) will Elizabeth (my main character) react when she is confronted with a given situation given the life experiences she’s had thus far? And given those reactions, how will those around her respond?

My challenge is to share the answer with the reader in a manner that makes the reader care--care enough about Elizabeth, her friends, and about what will happen next to turn page after page until they reach the end of the book. That’s no small feat, especially since we’re following Elizabeth now as an adult interacting with her own teenaged daughter, while reliving those painful teenaged years herself. We want to know (or at least this is the idea): will Jenna stay out of trouble? will she end up with the right boy? and will Elizabeth finally give her high school boyfriend the what for, and in a way that is satisfying? and what about Elizabeth’s friends? what happens to them? I’ve worked hard to put humor, irony and suspense into the story so that it’s not just a story of teenage angst. I think I’ve succeeded, but I’m ready for some honest critique... I’ve signed up for a writer’s group where I hope I’ll get that and more, in addition to what I’m getting in class. Things are moving right along--now 2/3 of the way through the 2nd draft. My next class assignment: writing a summary of the book that makes the reader want to pick it up in the first place. Not easy. How do you distill 100,000 words with multiple plot/subplot lines into 1 or 2 paragraphs?

I’m finding that I can’t stop thinking about my characters and the plot lines while I’m awake, and that they sometimes intrude into my dreams, as well. Stephen King and a few other authors say that I’m not crazy... that they go to live in their characters’ world at this stage in the game, too. But perhaps they’re in denial, and I’m just in good company.

November 12, 2006: Back to School

I’m getting serious about my writing (not riding) now... I’m about halfway through the second draft of my novel, and I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished, but I realize that I need help if I’m going to get the job finished. My friend Aimee has been invaluable at providing both critical feedback and encouragement, but I need more... Writing a novel is one field where being self-taught isn’t enough.

Don’t get me wrong: the nearly two-dozen books I’ve read on the craft (within easy reach and close enough to read their titles right now, I can see First Draft in 30 Days (which should really be called “Outline in 30 Days”, since what they call a draft really isn’t), Character Naming Sourcebook, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, Plot and Structure, Creating Character Emotions, Breathing Life into Your Characters, A Dash of Style, Writing a Breakout Novel, The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing and Roget’s Thesaurus) have been very helpful. I learned how to plan my book from start to finish, weaving the plots and subplots together into a whole, creating multi-dimensional characters, and hopefully adding enough excitement to keep those pages turning and to keep the story from becoming “predictable,” which is the last adjective any author wants to hear in a description of their book.

The problem is that I’ve grown enamored with my characters and plot, so much so that I’m oblivious to certain faults even when they are staring me in the face. Oh, that? Why, now that you mention it, it’s really quite obvious, but I really hadn’t noticed it despite reading that section twenty times. I’m appalled. And there are aspects of craft that you are certain you understand, but you don’t, not really. That’s what a class is for... You see, I WANT the criticism because it will help me grow (and only by seeing the weaknesses, can I make the story better). I think, perhaps, I am better prepared for it that many who subject themselves to these writers’ groups, coming from dressage. Every lesson, and certainly every show, we expect to be told everything we are doing wrong, and we’re happy with a 65%, thrilled with a 70%, and over-the-top with joy with a 75%. We know that we’re imperfect beings, and that learning is a process, and we’re prepared to enjoy the journey (and we admit that no matter how well we do something, it is nearly always possible to do it just a little bit better, which is why we so rarely see the 10’s on even a single movement).

So, this past week, I went back to school. I’d been toying with “real school” and applying somewhere for graduate school to get an MFA in Creative Writing (Masters of Fine Arts), but that is a super big deal major commitment. Very few programs are correspondence only--most require at least 10 days intensive in residency two to four times a year--and the ones that aren’t quite costly are difficult to get into. I would have to take the GRE’s (and believe it or not, despite my MD, I’ve never taken those), and it’s questionable whether or not, with all my college education, I even have the undergraduate credits to get in. (I’m sure I could at National University, where the program is strictly online, but at others? I’m not so certain).

Enter my good friend, Sheila Ransom. She is a writer with a degree in journalism. I confided in her what I’d been thinking about, and she suggested I try a few workshop first since I don’t need a degree to publish. It seemed to her that what I was really looking for was knowledge, and I could get that more easily (and flexibly) with less damage to my pocketbook from a workshop experience. She had a point. I have enough letters after my name, so there really isn’t any reason to add any more. Anyway, the very same day, a longterm workshop opportunity presented itself, with Gloria Kempton, the author of one of my favorite “how to” books, as the instructor. It’s a moderately advanced 6 month online experience that assumes you’ve already taken the basic workshops on craft (I decided my reading was enough to opt out of those) with readings, written lectures, discussions (which are like message boards), writing assignments, which give us the opportunity to use our works in progress, and group critique. My class of 11 students is a group with backgrounds diverse enough to make things interesting but similar enough that we should work well together.

I think this will turn out to be just what I was looking for...

November 12, 2006: Back to School

I’m getting serious about my writing (not riding) now... I’m about halfway through the second draft of my novel, and I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished, but I realize that I need help if I’m going to get the job finished. My friend Aimee has been invaluable at providing both critical feedback and encouragement, but I need more... Writing a novel is one field where being self-taught isn’t enough.

Don’t get me wrong: the nearly two-dozen books I’ve read on the craft (within easy reach and close enough to read their titles right now, I can see First Draft in 30 Days (which should really be called “Outline in 30 Days”, since what they call a draft really isn’t), Character Naming Sourcebook, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, Plot and Structure, Creating Character Emotions, Breathing Life into Your Characters, A Dash of Style, Writing a Breakout Novel, The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing and Roget’s Thesaurus) have been very helpful. I learned how to plan my book from start to finish, weaving the plots and subplots together into a whole, creating multi-dimensional characters, and hopefully adding enough excitement to keep those pages turning and to keep the story from becoming “predictable,” which is the last adjective any author wants to hear in a description of their book.

The problem is that I’ve grown enamored with my characters and plot, so much so that I’m oblivious to certain faults even when they are staring me in the face. Oh, that? Why, now that you mention it, it’s really quite obvious, but I really hadn’t noticed it despite reading that section twenty times. I’m appalled. And there are aspects of craft that you are certain you understand, but you don’t, not really. That’s what a class is for... You see, I WANT the criticism because it will help me grow (and only by seeing the weaknesses, can I make the story better). I think, perhaps, I am better prepared for it that many who subject themselves to these writers’ groups, coming from dressage. Every lesson, and certainly every show, we expect to be told everything we are doing wrong, and we’re happy with a 65%, thrilled with a 70%, and over-the-top with joy with a 75%. We know that we’re imperfect beings, and that learning is a process, and we’re prepared to enjoy the journey (and we admit that no matter how well we do something, it is nearly always possible to do it just a little bit better, which is why we so rarely see the 10’s on even a single movement).

So, this past week, I went back to school. I’d been toying with “real school” and applying somewhere for graduate school to get an MFA in Creative Writing (Masters of Fine Arts), but that is a super big deal major commitment. Very few programs are correspondence only--most require at least 10 days intensive in residency two to four times a year--and the ones that aren’t quite costly are difficult to get into. I would have to take the GRE’s (and believe it or not, despite my MD, I’ve never taken those), and it’s questionable whether or not, with all my college education, I even have the undergraduate credits to get in. (I’m sure I could at National University, where the program is strictly online, but at others? I’m not so certain).

Enter my good friend, Sheila Ransom. She is a writer with a degree in journalism. I confided in her what I’d been thinking about, and she suggested I try a few workshop first since I don’t need a degree to publish. It seemed to her that what I was really looking for was knowledge, and I could get that more easily (and flexibly) with less damage to my pocketbook from a workshop experience. She had a point. I have enough letters after my name, so there really isn’t any reason to add any more. Anyway, the very same day, a longterm workshop opportunity presented itself, with Gloria Kempton, the author of one of my favorite “how to” books, as the instructor. It’s a moderately advanced 6 month online experience that assumes you’ve already taken the basic workshops on craft (I decided my reading was enough to opt out of those) with readings, written lectures, discussions (which are like message boards), writing assignments, which give us the opportunity to use our works in progress, and group critique. My class of 11 students is a group with backgrounds diverse enough to make things interesting but similar enough that we should work well together.

I think this will turn out to be just what I was looking for...

November 12, 2006: Bridle Woes, or Flash of Brilliance

Susan started in on me the minute Jürgen left for Europe on October 26... She and Birthe were convinced the reason I was having difficulty keeping Facet in the canter was that I was allowing my leg to come forward into a chair position, and that stemmed from the fact that a lack of flexibility in my hip flexors wasn’t allowing me to follow the horse’s motion. Like a mosquito buzzing in my ear, no matter which horse I rode (and due to a minor tweak that has had me off Facet for 2 weeks, it was mostly Quila) she was continually after me to put my leg back.

“But if doesn’t go back any further...”
“Sure it does. Put it back.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.”

Finally in frustration, I lengthened my stirrups. At first, I found I was struggling not to lose them, and when I posted, I would sometimes bump the pommel, but then I hit upon warming up with my stirrups dropped, and focussing on actively stretching my legs backward and down the entire time. That did the trick! I haven’t lost a stirrup since, and suddenly, my leg is staying down and long where they were nagging at me to keep it. And (face reddening here), they were right.

I won’t get to try the results out on Facet until this week, but on Quila, the change has been remarkable. In trot, I can control her so much better, most notably in the bend. Moving my outside leg back from the hip forms an ever so much more effective barrier, so that in corners and voltés, she has to take the bend I’ve asked for (and my seatbones are automagically weighted correctly). No more losing the haunches! And if I keep my inside leg down and long,too, it is effective so that she can’t fall to the inside, and I can demand perfect roundness every time.

The change at canter is even more amazing. We can do very small voltés in both directions now (imagine--us, doing something even resembling a working pirouette!) because I can make a barrier with that long inside leg that she needs to turn around (WOW!), and I can also make her sit and carry herself. While (or perhaps because) the improvement in our canter work has been the most dramatic, it also has caused the most difficulty. After a few rounds of the good canter, Quila decided it was far too much work and started grasping for new evasions--I had effectively shut the door on the tried and true ones.

THUS, WE COME TO THE TITLE OF TODAY’S POST...

In a single day, Quila, after 17 years, learned how to put her tongue over the bit! On Day One, she did it once or twice to try it on for size. Hmmmmm! A little painful, but it discombobulates Mom and I get to stop cantering. There could be something here. I will have to think about this.

On Day Two, she tried it a few more times, and found that if she did, she could also move her back up and down and get a few swear words out of me. By Day Three, she spent most of the ride with her tongue over the bit and added a new twist: flying her tongue in the breeze like a flag, and even experimenting with it to see if she could wipe the sweat from her eyes!

I now understand the German logic behind always using a flash (loosely) with our young horses. We generally avoid flashes with Quila because she has a particular difficulty that I won’t go into, but I had no choice... out came the crank noseband and flash, since my current noseband could not be adjusted tighter.

I ordered one of the crescent dropped nosebands (above), but the first one that arrived was a size up from what I’d ordered... still waiting for the correct one. I think it will be better since it should keep her mouth shut without running into the problems the regular flash will eventually cause. Had to do something, though, because the tongue was a problem.

I know, by the way, that she was not acting out of pain. Two days in the flash, and she’s my usual merry content horse, happy in her work, without a pinned ear, swished tail or any other behavior to suggest otherwise. And she’s doing quite well at carrying herself behind, thank you. Her pattern has always been, however, that whenever I’ve upset our way of doing things, she’s felt the need to try to convince me that the old way was best. She’s never been a fan of change.